Everything was going well; I suppose you could say that I was on the academic 'conveyor belt': GCSE's followed by A-Levels, then university and a job.  That was certainly what I believed would happen, anything else didn't seem possible.  However, what if it all went 'wrong'?  What would I do if I suddenly fell off the 'conveyor belt'?  At the time these thoughts were never considered, but it was soon to become reality.

Although the experience I refer to in this article occurred as I began to study for my A-Levels, I believe that what I have learned from it will be of benefit to the many others experiencing a similar situation.

I had completed my GCSEs and the results were reasonably good.  The next step, I thought, was obviously A-Levels.  So, I chose three subjects; two that I was good at and one that I thought would be useful for a future career.  I soon found out that the third subject was definitely not what I wanted to study for the next year and a half; I had no interest whatsoever and this lack of enthusiasm lead to the loss of all enjoyment I once had for the other two courses.

I believed that there were expectations of me to 'do well'.  My sister had not gone to university so I needed to make my parents proud.  In reality, however, what I learned later was that the only person applying such pressure was me.  What others wanted from me was to do something I was happy with, something I'd enjoy.  This undue pressure I placed upon myself was, together with other factors, contributing towards the development of an illness.  The illness became worsened to an extent that I had missed so much work that I really couldn't continue with the course.

In the space of just under six months I had gone from being firm footed on the road to higher education and a career, to being unsure of what I wanted and facing fears I had never expected.  I saw myself as a failure.  At the time I firmly believed that success was built on academic achievement and this would lead to self-fulfillment.

I wondered if I would ever be able to get back into education.  If I did I thought that it would take too long and that I would never fit in socially as I'd be a lot older than the other students.

Coming off that 'conveyor belt' was not as near devastating as I had imagined.  In fact, it gave me that time I needed to reflect on what I was doing and give deeper thought as to what I really wanted to do.  I lost some friends in the process but I have gained many others.  I learned that it is not necessary to have to follow the route everyone else is taking and that it is perfectly acceptable not to have firmly decided upon your life plans.  Sometimes the unexpected does happen and it shouldn't always be seen as negative.

There have been some benefits from my experience.  I now see myself as having broadened my outlook on life and others.  I am more open minded and no longer judge people on what they have achieved academically. I now see others in terms of personal qualities and attributes and I think that I am a better adjusted person.

I got back into education and this time I was more focused on what I was doing, giving more effort and commitment as I knew I was doing something that I desired.  In fact, I think I performed better in my A-Levels than I ever would have done in the past.  My prospects now look better than before, and what I have learned from my experience I can apply to how I work at university and to general life skills.

If you decide to change or leave a course because it is not for you I wouldn't see it as defeat or failure.  It takes a lot of strength and insight to be able to make such a decision.  As someone once said to me, "don't see it as a step backwards, see it as a step to the side."

My advice for anyone contemplating a change in direction would to be get advice and lots of it.  Talking helps, so don't go through it on your own.  Talk to lots of different people; family, friends, course tutors, course leaders, the counselling service, the careers service or anyone else you may think will help.  They won't give you an answer but will help you to review your situation so that you can make an informed decision.

An academic told me that if someone is on a course and does really not like it, is lacking focus and the desire to continue, universities will, after prolonged discussions, advise students that the best course of action may be to leave or transfer.

It's your life - you're doing this for yourself, nobody else - so you have to be happy with what you want to achieve.