Since I was thirteen, studying has been at the centre of my life, always giving me something to think and talk about. Throughout my A levels I was happily occupied with studying hard at school all day, with a little time for socialising and hobbies. University was a strong contrast because, as an arts student, I had a small amount of contact time, long-term deadlines, and little interaction with people on a day-today basis. Many people would call this a blessing, but if studying has been your safe place and part of your identity for so long, what do you in an arts degree when you don't have the sense of urgency and audience you had at school, and just books to look at on your own everyday?
Some might chose to give up, go out more, get involved with a society, and stop caring about their study. Why study when there is no one to listen to what you have to say? My response was different. In my first year, particularly with the mental stresses of the first term, I was obsessive about my study, worrying and working too hard for each seminar, essay, or tutorial because they were my only sense of a real connection to my degree. And the less hours of contact there were, the harder I worked for them. I did this because I was scared to be alone. I clung to my work because I was afraid of myself, of losing what I defined myself by, and terrified of meeting new people in a new world. The three years of my degree have been a gradual process of understanding how much study makes me who I am, and who I am without it.
The first thing I had to accept was that all study needs an audience—reading and expression aren't miraculous self-sustaining dreams, particularly with a degree which is based on personal expressions and responses. Would you write an essay if you were only person in the world? Naturally it's been hard to learn how to sustain my study and myself when it feels like I'm alone.
What makes it harder is that an arts degree encourages introspection and deconstruction, which can be thrilling, but it isn't always the best recipe for happiness when you're on your own. One week I'm sat on my own psychoanalysis couch, the next I'm on trial for being a narcissist, colonialist, or oppressor of the working classes. If you do feel down, this kind of sustained introspection can really make you much worse whereas studying figures, equations or laws might offer a better escape from sadness.
I found myself depending on department feedback to give me confidence and embrace for all this introspection, but unfortunately the feedback I got was unsatisfactory. A sheet with tick boxes which cover the various assessment criteria isn't helpful, nor does it give you the answer to this question that you really need: what did you think of what I had to say? Equally, more and more people get 2.1s, whether they work hard or not. The fact that more and more people get the same meaningless label is a huge challenge to forming a positive identity about yourself and your study. There is very little you can do about this, so you just have to register your disdain when you can and learn to find something in your degree and your life which means something to you.
Embracing your arts degree from a personal perspective is the greatest way to get the most meaning out of it and to keep happy as you study. If you pursue what interests you, and colonise your favourite areas even if they are hard, rather going with what the easiest or most common approach, you will feel ownership and personal investment in what you're doing. When it comes to having no audience for your interests, finding friends to have intellectual conversation with has really helped me. These have been people I've lived with, met at lectures, seminars, even on the train. Not all of these of my best friends, or people I'd go out to relax with, but there's nothing wrong or shameful with having people to talk to about ideas. If you'd rather keep friendship and intellectuality separate, then you might befriend a tutor. I've been lucky enough to make good friends with a couple of tutors who enjoy talking with me. Not every tutor wants to do this, some will wave their contract at you, and others prefer to keep away from students as much as possible, dirty scary thinking things that we are. My supervisor also once suggested finding/paying a PhD student to bounce off and extend my academic horizons. When it comes to worrying about studying on your own, accept that perhaps you just need company sometimes. I used to keep the door for my room to feel connected with the world. The library really is a good place to go if you want a sense of society—you don't have to need any particular text, just take your books and go. If you hanker after the sense of belonging and a timetable you had at school, then make a regular time to pop along. Try different libraries for variety, and try going with friends too, even as part of a regular study group.
If you can find personal investment in your study, more people to talk to, and company when you are studying, you face much more chance of overcoming the greatest challenge an art student will face. I'm talking about careers decisions—how many times do we here students, including arts students themselves, say that arts degrees are useless? The strongest antidote to this crippling and uninformed statement is to decide what interests in your degree and follow it as I've said. My study of psychological and sociological approaches to literature has really changed and enlightened me in so many positive ways. Are you at university to get a career, or find personal development? If personal development isn't enough for you, try finding a way to translate what you're studying into skills and materials that you'll use again. This could be in a specific career, or just in your interaction with people. It's easy to think that your degree is worthless in an education system and a culture which prefers the rigours of science. A scientist can help you to explain what a brain is, what it does, but she probably can't help you to understand why she thinks in the way she does, how she chooses to represent herself or where her role in society comes from. An 'artistic' way of thinking which allows us to reflect on identity as I'm doing now. You have to remember that these three years, and an arts degree in particular, are about so much more than a piece of paper. If it is only that to you, and you aren't interested or depressed by your degree, then you should consider leaving.
For me, the trials of an arts degree have been a push to find what really matters to me and what doesn't—which includes study itself. I think this is a strong way to look at mental distress itself, which is a necessary part of our lives, motivating us to change things and find what matters. Gradually, I have found the limits of my subject, and used my last year to get involved with volunteering, setting up It's a Duck's Life, and charity work. Over the three years it has been hard to break the irrational fears of failure or meaningless I used to get if I didn't study all the time. Study has been my safe place for so many years, and it takes courage to change that. I worked hard and enjoyed my subject, but gradually introduced other things I cared about one step at a time, rather than overwhelming myself with too much.
Arts students are labelled as worthless, lazy and disaffected all too quickly. These labels are perpetuated by people who choose to conform to them. I say, find academic and personal meaning which validates your degree and your life at university. If you devaluate every part of your life because your degree makes you feel lost, then you've had it.
